julian, a normal age, they/he. alyosha-coded ivan girl
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GEORGE: Bisexual! Oh, well that’s just great. As if it wasn’t enough that you were rubbing all these beautiful women in my face. Now it’s beautiful women! Beautiful men! Beautiful androgynous ze/hirs!
ELAINE: No you’re not.
JERRY: Wh-sure I am!
ELAINE: Nah. I don’t buy it. I mean, Jerry, I slept with you. There’s no way you’re bisexual.
JERRY: So a bisexual man can’t sleep with a woman? Get a load of this! I’ve been bisexual for 30 seconds and I’m already experiencing biphobia!
ELAINE: No, dummy. Remember when I asked you if we could try, you know [raises her eyebrows, moves her head around].
JERRY: Oh, that.
ELAINE: Well, a bisexual man wouldn’t say “No, that’s kind of gay.”
JERRY: Fine! I’m not bisexual! Just don’t tell my agent.
GEORGE: So no beautiful men?
JERRY: No, George, no men.
GEORGE: Heh. Right. I’m gonna…. [points to the door and leaves without another word]
ELAINE: So why’s your agent think you’re bisexual anyway?
JERRY: I made a stupid joke. Some reporter asks if I sleep on my back or on my side and I said, you know, I go both ways, depends who I’m sleeping with, and next thing I know there’s a PinkNews tweet about me.
ELAINE: Why not correct them? They’re the ones who assumed.
JERRY: Because I got a call from my agent. They want me to stay out. They said I’m the fresh new face of comedy. And it’d be great if the fresh new face of comedy was a queer man.
ELAINE: And you’re doing it?
JERRY: What’s the alternative? Say no, actually, I’m completely average. Not a gay bone in my body. I’m just a comedian who made the worst joke of all time. While straight.
